Many have never had to figure out what they value because they have spent so much time pleasing others. But values are the things we need to set for ourselves and stand by. If one is constantly sacrificing their values (themselves really), then he or she will never be happy.
It may be a good time to stop and say that I am not advocating ending altruistic behavior altogether, no, that is not the point. I am saying each person needs to figure out their values -- what they know as truth, what feels good, what is important, and what they can't sacrifice.
As I turned 30, I had yet to figure out my own sense of values and what I held to be important. I probably had some loose, nebulous idea in my head, but I had never firmed up the details. It wasn't surprising that I felt a little lost and meandering without a compass much of the time. So, I spent some time looking inward to figure out what I thought was most important to me and the way that I viewed the world.
I sat down with a peace of paper (Moleskine notebook, rather) and tried to come up with a list of the things that are worth my attention. The things I want to hold front and center as I steer myself through this life. I must confess that my list is partly inspired by one of my favorite blogs, The Minimalists.
Health - Your health is your life. You only have one. Proper diet and exercise are of paramount importance. This one is almost self-explanatory. If your health is in order, then your house of self is going to have a better chance of being in order, as well.
Wealth - A certain level of wealth (security) is needed to enjoy life. When you have enough money to feel that sense of security, and that whatever problem comes your way you can handle (car problem, retirement, etc.), well then you're wealthy. This should not be a competition or game of how many dollars are in my bank account, or how many figures in my salary.
Relationships - Aristotle said that man is a social animal. This is perfectly true. We need good, reciprocal, loving relationships in order to thrive. That means making time for those that matter and showing them that you care for them, love them. It also means slowly cutting out/backing away from those relationships that do not serve us -- including toxic people, negative people, and emotional vampires. Naturally, some folks in the latter category, we can't get rid of -- say they are a close family connection, or difficult parent -- so in those cases always remember to take care of yourself first. To re-purpose a Suze Orman comment here, put your oxygen mask on first, so that you can help others later.
Passion - Many can feel that life is dull and lifeless at times. That it lacks color. Often we feel this because we have not found or cultivated a passion, or that we are not feeding the passions that we do have. Passion for me, and many others, I believe, is tied up in a sense of creation. I feel passionate and creative when I am writing, or teaching something I know. I think it is important to share in this feeling and find your passions, or cultivate some. I have come to think that passion is not some that we are destined or designed to have from birth, but something that can be found or cultivated over time. If you don't know what your passion(s) is(are) I think that is totally fine. Be patient with yourself and do some further exploring of the things you enjoy, or find interesting. This will slowly lead you to your passions.
Contribution - It feels good to contribute to the world. Whether that is giving to a charity, volunteering, or sharing what we know through teaching, those are all worthwhile tasks. Contribution helps to humble the individual by showing others grace and goodness. Contribution needn't be linked to dollar signs, either. Giving our time, energy, understanding, and compassion can be just as important (sometimes more important) than dollars. We have to contribute to the world in a positive way in order to feel like we are growing.
Growth/Happiness - Growth is sort of the sustainable gateway to happiness. If we do not feel like we are growing or thriving in life, a certain situation, a job, etc. then we will not feel happiness. Of course, instead of focusing on what is tough/difficult in a situation, and why we are not growing, we end up redirecting that attention in all the wrong place, namely the hunt, or quest for that elusive happiness. Some of us medicate with drugs, retail therapy, or hours of TV just to get through these moments. Some of us think that IF this happens, THEN I will finally be happy. But, happiness is largely choice that we make in the moment, it is not a destination to be found.
These are the values that I hold to. These are the things that I find important. This is not a guide, or a be-all, end-all list as to what to focus on. Everyone's list of values and priorities is going to be different, even if values are shared with another, they will not be identical. Set some time aside to figure out your values, truths, and what is important to you. This is vital in helping to turn off auto-pilot and steer your life toward growth and fulfillment.
No comments:
Post a Comment